Cruisin’ For a Bruisin’
    
 
    Things are much better between me and my wife. Our communication is really good. Everything’s a joke...even our fights!
 
    If you understand, conflicts naturally disappear, start disappearing. Sometimes you will catch yourself again in the old pattern, and then you will laugh. If you can laugh in the middle of a fight, the fight is no more there...it is already dead.
The fight needs a very unconscious mind. If you are a little conscious, you cannot fight, because the whole thing seems to be absurd, destructive, helps nobody in any way. And by it you are not only destroying the other, you are destroying yourself, and you go on destroying all possibilities of a happy, harmonious relationship. It is very easy to get angry and fight, but it is very difficult to throw that poison from the system, because it creates poison. That poison lingers on. Each fight has a hangover, and the hangover will again create some situation in which you start fighting again. So fight generates fight; one conflict creates another conflict. They are very very reproductive. They don’t believe in any birth control.
Consciousness, awareness, has no children. It is enough unto itself. But unconsciousness creates many children. So just remember more and more...just catch yourself red-handed. And then don’t feel embarrassed, don’t feel shy. Immediately drop it then and there. Even if you are in the middle of a sentence, stop then and there and have a good laugh.
Laughter is very medicinal. There is nothing like laughter...it is very therapeutic. If people can laugh more, the world will certainly be better. And if people can laugh in situations when laughter does not come easily, the world can become tremendously different...a very happy world indeed.
So try. It is going very well, but remain alert.
[His partner says]: I am in love with another man, in Canada, and am in a conflict because I also feel very much in love with my husband.
That simply means that you still want some type of conflict and discord to continue. It may not be love for the other man; it may just be love for conflict. We love conflicts because we feel powerful.
When everything is going well, one suddenly feels nothing is happening. One feels as if life is empty. If life is really harmonious, one feels empty...no excitement, no kick, no thrill. So people say that they would like a very peaceful life, but nobody really longs for it; otherwise, nobody is creating any barrier. So they go on talking about, and they go on searching for a peaceful life — and they go on creating disturbances. So beware, watch out. If you love your husband, there is no need for any other man.
In fact that division shows something divided in you. When someone loves two persons, it simply shows that somewhere there is a division inside; you are not one. Hence the insistence that if you can love one it is going to help, because it will make you one.
If you cannot love your husband totally, drop him. I will take him out of your life — but then be totally with the other man. There is nothing wrong in it, but be with one so that you can be one, mm? Just think — a woman loving many persons becomes fragmentary. That’s the misery of a prostitute.
I come across many prostitutes, and my feeling is that it is not really that society has forced them — there are a few cases where society has forced them — but basically it is their own psyche. They have so many persons inside them. Not one woman, but many women, a crowd. And that crowd cannot be satisfied by one man. And if you cannot be satisfied with one man or one woman, you cannot be satisfied with a thousand. Because if it is difficult to get in harmony with one, two will be more difficult, and three will be still more difficult. The greater the number, the greater will be the difficulty to create harmony.
So if you are really interested in peace, harmony, love, then settle for one...even if it is hard in the beginning. It is hard because of the habit. It always gives a very very good feeling to have two lovers, because then you can create a conflict between them; a triangle is created. The woman feels tremendously happy. She may be living in misery because these two persons are in constant conflict, but she feels good that she is desired by two men.
That is not going to help. It will give you a feverish excitement, but that fever is going to be destructive to your being. I will not suggest that. So choose. Decision is good because it makes you decisive. Don’t linger on because that too is a decision...a decision to remain indecisive. Choose.
If you think that you want the other man more, think, ponder over it. But if you want to be with your husband, then drop the other man. It is as if you are making love to your husband and the other man is always in between you. It will be there; you’re your husband will not feel any privacy. He will be holding your hand and there will be a third hand in between you and the intimacy will not flower. One has to decide.
Life is a continuous moment to moment decision. You cannot go in all ways. If you want to come to India, you have to leave Canada. If you want to live in Canada, you have to leave India. You cannot live everywhere. One cannot spread oneself thin, all over the earth. One will lose one’s being totally. One has to remain centered.
So not only with love; about everything, be decisive. I know, I understand that it is hard. Sometimes it is just fifty/fifty. It feels hard how to decide, but then too, one has to decide. Toss a coin or consult the I Ching, but still decide. To remain in an indecision longer is very very dangerous. It gives you a quality of being indecisive. And if one learns that trick, then one wastes one’s whole life. Then in small things also one starts becoming indecisive. One lingers, lingers, lingers...hesitates. And if too much lingering and hesitation is there, it will be difficult, very very difficult, to take the final jump into God, into the divine.
Love is a learning...the first lesson of religion. It helps you to decide. And if you can decide, in that very decision something within you crystallises. You will see it. Otherwise you will become bifurcated, you will become a schizophrenic: one part going this way, another part going that way. A house divided is always in danger. Any moment it can collapse.
So you decide. I don’t say decide for your husband — I’m not saying that — but decide. If you really want to be happy, be decisive. It takes courage to decide, almost a gambler’s courage, but this is how life is, mm? Nothing is cheap in life, at least not love. It demands. And that is the beauty of it — that it demands. That very demand gives you a tone, a spirit...integrity, individuality.
And things are going so well between you two. Just help them...they can go even better. There is no end to it.