Then be aware...be aware. Don’t condemn; condemnation is not going to help. It will make you more guilty, and a guilty person becomes more miserly. Just try to understand it. If you are miserly in your energy, then try to understand, “I am a miser in my energy. I don’t share.” Let this fact be there. Now move again in relationship, with people, and remember this fact. Let this fact be always there reminding you.
And do something which is not miserly...because these are habits. Just do something which is not miserly. Once you do something which is not miserly, you will say “What foolishness I was doing!”
Just today I was reading about the life of an American millionaire. He never gave a single cent to any donation. Beggars wouldn’t come to his house, and people who wanted donations would never ask because they knew he would say no. His no was absolute.
When one friend was asking for donations for a college, he came to the millionaire and said, “I don’t want any donation from you because I know you are not going to give it to me. Just give me a false cheque, and I will return it to you in two days’ time. But that cheque will help me. Give me a cheque for ten thousand dollars — a false cheque — and I will be able to show the whole town that you have given ten thousand dollars, and then others will give. When I have collected others’ donations, your donation will be returned.”
The millionaire thought there was nothing wrong in it and that he could trust the man, he was a friend. He gave the money, and the whole town started talking about it. For two days continuously, people phoned. People came to him and said, “We were thinking that you were a miser. We were wrong.”
After two days the friend came...he had collected thousands of dollars. He said, “This is your cheque. Take it back. We are very thankful; because of it we have got much.”
The miser started crying. He said “Keep it with you. And I am giving you ten thousand more, because I never knew how happy it makes one feel to give. So many people phoned and so many people came. For the first time I saw a totally different dimension. I have been hoarding and hoarding and hoarding, but I have never felt so good as I have felt these two days. Now I am going to give. Tell the whole town that whosoever needs, should come. Even in the middle of the night, I will be ready to give. I have tasted it...”
So the only thing you can do is to do something which is not miserly, and taste that dimension of sharing. If it feels good, then there is no problem; you will do it again. If it doesn’t feel good, there is no problem. You can fall back on your old pattern. Nobody is hindering the path.
But don’t repent and don’t condemn. Simply become more alert about your ways and functionings and how the mechanism of the mind works, mm?
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