The art of the other

Love means the art of being with others. Meditation means the art of being with yourself. They are two aspects of the same coin. A person who does not know how to be with himself cannot truly relate with others. His relationship will be awkward, graceless, ugly, haphazard and accidental. One moment everything is going well and another moment everything is gone. It will always be going up and down; it will not gain depth. It will be very noisy. Certainly it will give you an occupation, but it will not have any melody to it and it cannot take you to the heights of existence or depths of being. And vice versa: the person who is not capable of being with others, of relating, will find it very difficult to relate with himself, because the art of relating is the same. Whether you relate with others or you relate with yourself does not make much difference; it is the same art. These arts have to be learned together, simultaneously; they are inseparable. Be with people, and not unconsciously but very consciously. Relate with people as if you are singing a song, as if you are playing on a flute; each person has to be thought of as a musical instrument. Respect, love and worship them, because each person is a hidden face of the divine. So be very careful, very attentive. Remember what you are saying; remember what you are doing. Just small things destroy relationships, and small things make relationships so beautiful. Sometimes just a smile, and the other’s heart is open to you; sometimes just a wrong look in your eyes, and the other is closed — it is a delicate phenomenon. Think of it as an art: just as the painter is very watchful of what he is doing to the canvas, each single stroke is going to make a lot of difference. A real painter can change the whole painting just by a single stroke. Life has to be learned as an art: very cautiously, very deliberately. So relationship with others has to become a mirror: see what you are doing, how you are doing it and what is happening. What is happening to the other? Are you making their life more miserable? Are you giving them pain? Are you creating a hell for them? Then withdraw. Change your ways. Beautify life around yourself. Let every person feel that the meeting with you is a gift: just in being with you something starts flowing, growing, some songs start arising in the heart, some flowers start opening. And when you are alone then sit utterly silent, absolutely in silence, and watch yourself. Just as the bird has two wings, let love and meditation be your two wings. Create a synchronicity between them, so they are not in any way in conflict with each other but nursing each other, nurturing each other, helping each other. This is going to be your path: the synthesis between love and meditation. 

Osho, The Rainbow Bridge